bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
