It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize