Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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