I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
