I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Semen is not good for contacts.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
