He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
