You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
