I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
