We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Found your dick twin last night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
