Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
