It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
