"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
