i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
