I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
