finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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