the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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