Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
