I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
