even my farts smell like vagina
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
