maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
