Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
