It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
