Ambien. No doubt about it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
