why didn't you poke me back
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
