I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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