Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
