First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
