Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
