I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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