Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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