Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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