i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
