I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
