Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
ttyl tear gas
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
