I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize