we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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