So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
