i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
