We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
3 2 1 whiskey
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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