We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
