We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
