this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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