so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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