in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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