mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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