I can text with my tongue
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
