i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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