If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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