if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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