I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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