just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
