Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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