The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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