i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and she was petting her beer can
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
