Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
