I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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