This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
