Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
