Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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