Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We named our party play list daddy issues
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
