i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
